What to do about Mother In Laws
Yesterday out of the blue my future mother in law decided she did not like me anymore. I can’t say it was totally out of the blue. If you read the part 1 and part 2 about our trip to Arizona it describes how I expressed my discomfort in staying in my future brother in law’s dirty apartment while he was not there. I didn’t think this was unreasonable. For the record I am not comfortable staying in anyone’s living quarter’s be it a house, apartment or a garage unless we have some pre-agreed arrangement like I am dog sitting or house sitting and getter paid.
Saying anything about her son is punishable by death. I knew she was protective but this all seems extreme. She called yesterday to tell my fiancee to remember to send that thing she wanted with her boyfriend as he flies to visit her soon. My fiancee began to tell her about our finalized wedding plans and she proceeds to break his heart and say she won’t come to the wedding. I hear her trying to explain why and my name is in there along with her other precious son, which how he gets talked about so much when he has absolutely nothing to do with what is going on is totally beyond my scope of understanding. He is upset and is telling her that he does not need to know her reasons; especially if she will not listen to him speak. He hangs up.
She calls back. My fiancee goes into the bedroom and they talk on the phone for a very long time. He returns and does not really want to talk about it. Basically she decided she does not like me anymore. We hug for a long time. He is sad and I am enraged. Not for the fact that she hates me, I always knew that, she hates me because she hates all her son’s wives. She never stops talking shit about them.
If I allow myself to empathize with her and merge together everything I have heard about her and everything she has said then I think I may have an idea why. I think she has romanticized the past and aches for that time when her and her three boys lived together in a one bedroom apartment and were close. She forgets how difficult it was and just wants to have all her boys together. Her boys having wives she sees as threatening that possibility even though my fiancee says she bugged him constantly about not having a wife and not having kids. Are parents ever happy with where their kids are in life? But this is all just if I empathize and speculate so it really does not matter.
I am enraged that with her hurtful words she had made my fiancee sad. I am so livid that I kept my mouth shut the entire week we were in Arizona where she constantly criticized the diet coke we drink, the shirt my fiancee likes to wear, what he eats, how she thinks he is fat, how we will just let anybody do anything because we think homosexuals should be able to get married if they want, how we are not serious enough… the list goes on and on. I kept my mouth shut when I wanted to tell her to shut the f@ck up and mind her own damn business. I am angered that she is on our family cell phone plan. Why bite the hand that feeds you. I am not saying she needs the help but damn. My fiancee worries about her and has future plans to help is mother out. Does she think her precious favorite son has any future plans that include her in the future. She lives 1.5 hours from him and he has seen her 3 times in the last year; her grandson barely knows her. I just don’t understand what she is doing. She is being hurtful to the one son who seems to try to look out for her.
But where do we go from here? Where do I go from here? I want to support a relationship between my fiancee and his mother but I can’t be around some one who hates me. But my fiancee and I like being together. He will only be able to visit her without me. I want my children to have healthy relationships with both grandparents but I can’t allow her to talk smack about me in front of my children. Why do people have to make things so hard?
