Sometime after our baby had her first birthday people started asking us when we would have another; if we would have another one. Of course we would have another, uh uh I just didn’t realize it might be time. I had not actually done the math. I wanted them to be 2-3 years apart. Enough time apart so that I would have time to nurture each baby but not so fart apart that they would have nothing in common.
Now the math part; if I have them 2 years apart that means, including ~10 months gestation, my oldest will be 14 months and then 2 years when the second is born.
It seems so soon.
My husband is totally ready. He can’t wait to have another one running around the house. He has been looking at pictures of when I was pregnant with Fi. And of course he is ready to start trying for another.
I am torn. Part of me is ready and part of me is not.
There is a part of me that will mourn the special time that Fi and I have together. She gets my undivided attention the vast majority of the time. I love it. Granted some times I feel as if I am losing my identity and I need to spend some time doing stuff that I can focus on like play guitar or piano. Fi is still nursing so I am also scared that by getting pregnant now, I will be pushing her off and she will feel pushed away. Oh and I have really got the hang of grabbing Fi and going somewhere; the park, the library, the beach. How am I going to get 2 kids out of this house? I know we have enough love for multiple kids. I just worry about the time and the logistics of it all.
On the other hand, Fi is super social and loves other kids, especially babies. She would probably love having someone else around the house to interact with. She would probably get her younger sibling to do all kinds of crazy stuff. I would not necessarily have to split myself in two. Sometimes they will be in the same place at the same time. RIght? Some days they will take off in opposite directions in the grocery store and somehow I will manage to come up with some way to grab both of them. I am hoping I grow another arm, because that would really help. And we are not getting any younger. If we want to have 2-3 kids, we should get going.
It would seem that I am looking at this all through the eyes of Fi. That is just because she is teething and the last few days I have not had a moment to myself. The husband is at work and she has been my shadow. I will need to spend some hours all alone to sort out my thoughts. That is if I am not already pregnant….